Bach Tawk…a day late

We are less than a week away from the finale of the Bachelorette. I.AM.SO.GLAD. I have watched this mindless entertainment for years and I am just plain done with this season. HOWEVER, I AM looking forward to the “Men Tell All” episode on Sunday night. There will surely be some entertainment from the Masked Guy, Bentley, The Drunk and Ryan.

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Short Version:  3 guys left: JP, Ben, Constantine. 1st Date with Ben, he accepts the fantasy suite. 2nd date is with Constantine. He basically tells Ash he is not into her and says it’s the end of the road. Ryan flies to Fiji in a last-ditch effort to win Ash back. She tells him to kick rocks. 3rd date is with JP and he accepts the invite to the fantasy suite. Since Constantine left the show the final two are JP and Ben.

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Where do I begin? Was anyone else just plain irritated with Ryan coming back?

Oh my gosh, gasp, what are you doing here?!?

He seems like a nice guy and all but it’s not like he and Ash had a deep connection. Dude, it wasn’t there. Ever. She let you go for a reason. She is down to the final 3 and you appear like a rabbit in a hat hoping that she will take you back. COME ON MAN. MOVE ALONG. Oh wait, you probably did and this was all set up by the PRODUCERS. GASP!

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Final three go to Fiji, individually, for overnight dates with Ash at the Namale Resort. When I went online to check this place out (it is BEAUTIFUL) here is what I found:

Bachelorette Rose Ceremony Special

Your romantic getaway to The Bachelorette’s Resort includes: Horseback ride to a waterfall for a private lunch; private seaside candlelight dinner; Ultimate Couples Massage; Dolphin Tour and more.

7 nights at Namale all inclusive resort rated #1 Romance Resort in the South Pacific and #8 in the World , air travel from LAX, all gourmet meals, all beverages, Champagne, 10,000 foot spa, daily laundry service, many activities including snorkeling, golf, bowling, mountain biking, waterfall hikes.

You too can live it up for one week like Ashley for only $4600/person including air from LAX.

Ashley takes us through a timeline of her journey with each dude, blah blah blah. She is in the hotel getting ready for her first date when, BAM, Ryan arrives. SHOCKER. There is always a twist when it gets down to the final 3. Ashley acts completely surprised at the site of Ry Ry. He tells her he wants to give it another shot and not to answer him now. He gives her his hotel room info and tells her to come see him with a decision. “Desperado, what have you done for me lately?” She agrees and then heads out on her date with Ben.

They sail around Fiji, make out a lot, go snorkeling, make out more, talk, make out more. You get it. We eventually get to dinner where Ben tells Ashley he is fully committed. Ashley whips out a “surprise” card from Chris Harrison inviting her and Ben to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Ben accepts and we see them head to the room.

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Next up: Constantine. I hate to say it but it was so obvious that he was trying to find a way to tell her he wasn’t into her the entire date but just couldn’t figure out a way to do it.

Yaaaay for a free trip to Fiji! Now get me outta here!

They took a helicopter ride around the islands and made small talk. At one super cheese moment they show Ryan standing outside looking up as if he is watching Ashley take off with Constantine leaving him behind. They made their way to a waterfall and jumped off of it into the water. You would think that a water date would include romance. Nope, not this time. It was just, well, awkward. The head to a picnic where they get into the discussion of where Constantine is at. Ashley brought up multiple times how slow they were moving and basically told him that she kept him around to see if things would progress because “She likes him.” They take a sip of wine and in another awkward moment she comments that the wine is “fruity” to which he responds “Ben told me that.” Um, huh? What dudes discuss a date and talk about how fruity the wine was? Not any dude I know. Weird. This leads to Ashley asking him if it feels weird to be dating the same girl that his friend is. I think he breathed a sigh of relief becuase it was then that he told her he would not hold back feelings and that it was the end of the road for him.

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After Constantine gives Ashley the wheel, we see her heading to Ryan’s room to talk. ABC makes us think that she is going to have him stay since Constantine left but that was not the case. She tells Ryan that the goodbye to him was the hardest of the season but that she knew it was right thing to do. He tells her is happy for her and that’s the end of old Ry Ry.

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Last date: JP. When she sees him her face lights up. She tells him she has a surprise for him as a sea plane pulls up.

(Hmmm- didn’t she just fly with Constantine?) They board the plane and are whisked away to their own private island. They get there and the whole date is of them making out in the water. Oh, and JP telling her he feels confident in their relationship and just wants this to all be over. Post make out sesh they head to dinner and Ashley tells JP about Constantine leaving and Ryan showing up. Poor guy has had all of her “bombs” dropped on him.

She then moves to the date card and JP of course accepts the offer for the fantasy suite. We see them move to the room where Ashley changes into something “comfortable.” She comes out in nothing but a button down shirt and then they go into major make out mode. It was almost uncomfortable!

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We move to the rose ceremony where she offers Ben and JP the 2 roses and they both accept. The end. For now.

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Clips from next week show Ashley’s sister going haywire. Not sure why she has the outburst but I’m sure what we saw in the clip is not as bad as it seems. They like to screw with us in previews!

I am sticking with my pick of JP! What do you all think? Will Ash be engaged to JP on Monday night?!?!