I swear I planned on a nice, easy run today. I figured I’d get the kids to school, have some lunch, take a nap and then get my butt outside. My nap turned into total laziness and no run. I am blaming it on the 4 hours of sleep. Yeah, that’s it…l-a-z-y I don’t have an alibi I’m lazy, hey hey, I’m lazy!
On a totally hilarious note my laziness landed me at Rite Aid. Yes, that Rite Aid. The one star on YELP Rite Aid. The one someone suggested should be burned down. Click HERE if you want to pee your pants laughing at the reviews. You will then see that what I tell you about my crack hole Rite Aid is true.
Back to today. My laziness brought me to Rite Aid to pick up more athletic tape for my foot. As you all know I try to make these trips quick so I don’t get stopped by Shreck the candy pusher. Lucky for me he wasn’t there today. Instead, I got the pleasure of meeting Marilyn. Marilyn is the SNL Target Lady with a potty mouth:
(Image from google)
I’m serious, she looks just like her! Marilyn saw the line to check out backing up. Its one of those AWFUL setups where you form one ridiculous line down a diagonal aisle and each checker calls someone to the front. It’s confusing. I will go into that drama another day. So she gets on the PA and calls “All available clerks to the front.”
Here is where it gets GOOD. 30 seconds goes by and there is not a soul in sight. Marilyn’s face starts to get red and she starts pacing in between ringing people up. She pages again. No one. After about 3 full minutes of no one coming forward she yells “For F$@! sake, where is everyone. D@!# it. Someone come help!!!!”
I had to crouch onto the floor and hide my face in my knees because I was dying laughing but didn’t want her to see me. Plus, I needed to crouch to stop myself from peeing my pants. The line behind me all turned their backs. Why? Because they are laughing. This is normal in my hood. No one batted an eye.
It gets better.
After her cursing tantrum this young girl comes wandering up to the front and says “Geez, you don’t need to yell. You could have just paged someone.”
No she didn’t.
I paid my $4.15 and got the heck out of dodge. Maybe missing my afternoon run was totally worth it.